Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's always time for handjobs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
