I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
