You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
