epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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