OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
be right there i have to get my cape
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
