he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
