dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
