just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
