A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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