I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
