And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
