i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
