I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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