so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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