how can u be prego again
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
