when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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