Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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