Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and she was petting her beer can
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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