Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
