It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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