her vagine was all disorganized.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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