Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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