Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
