What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
