If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
