Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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