Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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