I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
