oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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