He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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