Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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