dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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