you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
