I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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