They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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