there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
