Don't you send me to vm
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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