eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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