It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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