operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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