Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
