Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Two words: nipple clamps
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