I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
