okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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