Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
