my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
