This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
