there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
