It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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