Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
