LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
