oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
